![]() ![]() For some, it's all bad, for me, I get to a place that most people can only "dream about" and perhaps it is "almost to die for". However, I appreciate I'm lucky in lots of ways. I’m glad to say the suicidal thoughts are receding now that I've reduced the dose of my anticonvulsants. Fast forward to the present: - it's still a battle as these unexpected ecstatic seizures come packaged with intense suicidal thoughts so I'm in a weird place, experiencing some of the best moments of my life and the most depressing. I'll call it my "God" moment but won't go into details other than to say I fully understand why people become convinced that God exists. I also get your "battle." My first ecstatic seizure came hot on the heels of several really bad CP seizures - I couldn't seem to come out of them and then had the best experience of my life (until very recently). I've actually done a bit of research to find out more, and strangely, I mirrored Dostoevsky's comment when writing about my first ecstatic seizure that occurred over 20 years ago: I wrote at the time it was worth 10 years of normal existence! I always hankered after the experience but never thought I'd get a repeat: all my complex partial seizures before and after (except the last month or so) have been of the other kind "nightmarish". Threatening situations is also very dangerous! Indifferent, external affect with strangers, with impish exceptions. ![]() Ignoring my seizure's strong emotions in social interactions inadvertantly trained me to a very flat, Sequences that were often inappropriate and unknowable to other individuals, and unforeseeable to me,ĭestroying any compatible intuition, and that while polite society tends to conceal strong emotions, my The biggest problem I experienced from strong emotive seizures were that they succeeded each other in With brief instances of simple ignorant divinity. Sensation of being kissed by the gods as an ecstatic aura, at times with disastrous consequences, but often The works of Proust and Dostoevsky come the closest in exemplifying the deja vu, and strongly implying the To be done, like going to school or homework. The strong emotions of the seizures seemed to be at battle with oneĪnother as I was a helpless bystander, who slowly learned to ignore them whenever something mundane needed Outnumbered them, but ecstatic ones were enough to be considered kissed by the gods, and the deja vu really I had a lot of ecstatic seizures in my childhood and into my late twenties. Quite a few of my happy "ecstatic" partial complex seizures have returned, after about 25 years of being ![]()
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